Clearly I was getting nowhere.
I wanted to be the next Moll Flanders.
I felt not of myself, as if roads
had shifted a little. But who was feeling
me, then? Pneumonia was like an aunt
who sends you enormous shorts
with the price tag still on,
then watches you toss them into a lake.
I hated my friends and their weddings.
The cold trickle of children
from a neighborhood school turned
into a simulated knife
fight between warring factions.
My distrust of the establishment left
me somewhat prepared.
I was evacuation-prone, redheaded
and formerly adulterous, cultivated
enough to need no costume
but holiday socks and a ghost train
like in the wedding magazines
my friends suddenly began purchasing
while I was attempting sleep
and other things while standing.
Remember when your biggest worry
was where? And now it’s how many
leaves will keep you alive.
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