Food Fights and
Other Forms of Disrespect
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As we move out of summer, we think back fondly of cookouts and all the summer gatherings around food. This year, I noticed a new down-side (in addition to the ubiquitous bugs). Has anyone been in a food fight recently? Not the Animal House kind of food fight, with people throwing food at each other, but the kind of food fight that involves one person relentlessly pushing food onto someone who doesn’t want it.
We hear it all the time: "But I made this especially for you." "It’s a family favorite. You have to have some." "Oh, come on, it’s my birthday. You have to have cake with me." And the infamous: "One little bite won’t hurt you."
People always love to shove their favorite foods on us (er, share their favorite foods with us), but suddenly it seems that people just will no longer take "NO" for an answer. And the poor folks who try to resist the food feel as if they are being attacked by a bull dozer. For some, who are trying to overcome their own inclinations and cravings, resistance is futile in the face of the onslaught, which only leads to resentment. And anyone with a peanut allergy or other food sensitivity can tell you the fallacy of the idea that "one little bite won’t hurt you."
Whether we wish to refuse food because we simply prefer not to eat it (even if just at that moment); we don’t like that particular food; we are not hungry; we are following an eating program for weight loss and/or health that limits certain foods; or because we actually have an allergy or sensitivity to the food, one would think that a simple "No thank you," would suffice. But no… people seem even more determined these days to make others eat the foods they want them to eat (i.e., the foods they like, rather than the foods the other person likes).
Granted, anyone who tries to throw a dinner party has to coordinate among the guests in terms of food needs and preferences, and that can be difficult. Back when even vegetarians were rare, that wasn’t a problem. Now it can feel like navigating through a mine field of eating styles: vegetarian, vegan, low-carb, low-fat, gluten free, organic, lactose intolerant, allergies, etc., etc., etc. Blessed is the caring host or hostess who willingly travels that mine field for our benefit!
It never used to be this hard for the cook or for the guest! But here we are in the Age of Choices, and everyone has them. And that’s all fine. The problem is that our manners haven’t kept up with all these freedoms and choices and, without the conventions of well-known and commonly accepted manners, food fights can break out, feelings can get hurt, and resentment can build.
Whatever happened to respecting other people’s preferences, and basic courtesy to each other over food?
Why can’t guests assume that a host/hostess gave it a good shot trying to address food needs and preferences of the guests, without calling them on the carpet for having meat on the table for others when there’s a vegan present? Why not, as a 60’s rock song suggested, "take what you need and leave the rest," and no big deal?
And why can’t hosts/hostesses respect a guest’s desire to avoid eating something, instead of making a big—often loud and embarrassing—issue of it? Does a party goer have to announce to the crowd that he doesn’t want to eat the cake because he is allergic to coconut (or is following a specific eating program, or has gluten intolerance) in order to stop the steam roller of a hostess urging, "eat the cake, eat the cake." Does the person who is allergic have to let everyone know about it, in order to "justify" not eating that dessert with peanuts? These are personal issues, and one shouldn’t have to share them with the host/hostess or with anyone else in order to make a food choice at a party.
So why are these kinds of food fights happening more and more often?
Why do seemingly nice, caring people feel the need to shove food on people who don’t want it? Or shove drinks on those who don’t want to drink? Why is a simple, "No, thank you!" (or several) no longer enough? And why must one offer up a "legitimate, acceptable reason" for refusing cake (or any food or drink) in order to have the host or hostess back off?
Is this another version of the erroneous—yet relentlessly lingering—idea that "No means yes"? That’s been used for far too many decades as a justification to force one person’s desires—often violently—onto someone else who is not agreeing. We need to exorcise that idea from the collective consciousness once and for all, and people need to also learn to say No when they mean it. Playing coy helps no one.
Is it defensiveness on the part of the host/hostess? Does he or she need validation for the food offerings, and compliments for the food? Are people so deeply insecure that they truly feel threatened and invalidated if others make different choices or have different preferences? What emotional attachment does the hostess have to forcing guests to eat certain things?
Or is it simply callousness and lack of respect and consideration for others: If I like it, then you must like it, too, because you are an extension/reflection of me, rather than being a person with likes and dislikes of your own.
Adding insult to injury, in some cases there even can be an element of sabotage, especially if one friend is making a change in her life—such as changing old eating patterns and losing weight—and the other unconsciously resists having the friend change: "Oh, one little piece of cake won’t hurt you."
Fights like this over food are just the tip of the iceberg, of course. They are minor, possibly silly examples of what appears to be a troubling, pervasive shift in people who seem to feel threatened by other people who make different choices. You can see it in the news and on Facebook all the time. How many times have you seen fights break out over controversial issues, when two or more people decide they have to be "right" and they are willing to duke it out in the comments section?
When did we become a nation—a species—of bullies?
When did we become so consumed with the need for the people around us to be just like us, to like the same music, eat the same food, dress the same way, go to the same church, have the same lifestyle, and espouse the same political views? When did we start to feel so threatened and agitated because a vegetarian doesn’t want to eat that hamburger at the picnic, or because someone expresses a view—or tries to follow a law—that we don’t personally like or support?
When did we reach the point where we cannot tolerate other people’s differences or respect their right to be different, as long as their actions do not impinge on our rights or harm others? When did we reach the point where we cannot simply agree to disagree or take a simple "No, thank you," for an answer?
What Is the Deep Fear that Prevents Us from Embracing Our Differences?
What is the deep insecurity that makes us feel that we must not only be right, but we also must convince everyone else that we’re right; and if we don’t, we feel invalidated? Why do we need so much validation from others in the first place?
What deep fear grips us that makes us feel better when we loudly condemn those who are different? Would we feel better about ourselves if everyone were like us? Oddly enough, it doesn’t seem to matter whether the difference is something that cannot be changed, such as race, sexual orientation, or a physical or mental difference/disability, or if the threatening difference is one made by choice.
Since when does being true to ourselves translate into forcing others to be just like us?
Why do so many people focus so much attention on what other people are doing—and condemning it loudly—instead of focusing their attention on their own lives, and trying to make their lives, and the lives of those around them, happier?
Is this a carry-over from so-called reality TV? Is everyone now a self-appointed "commentator" on everyone else’s life? And what happens to our life while we are busy monitoring everyone else’s lives?
And Where—and Why—Does Religion Come Into All This?
Is it really Christian to condemn and persecute others? The news is filled lately with self-identified Christians condemning others and publicly discriminating against them, often quite violently, particularly those who propose to exercise their legal right to same-sex marriage or abortion. There are many denominations of Christianity and many beliefs about whether those two things are morally "right." The law of the land makes these actions legal.
In the United States, the Constitution creates the separation of Church and State, probably to prevent the kind of bloody, centuries-long religious wars that were fought in Europe and taken to the Middle East in the Crusades. Yet freedom of religion also is an important component. Most people interpret the concept of religious freedom to mean that everyone is free to believe and worship as they choose, and no one can be forced to take an action, such as having an abortion or marrying a person of the same sex, if that action goes against one’s religious beliefs.
But many people, it appears, feel that their religious beliefs should apply to everyone: If I don’t believe in it, YOU can’t do it.
Whatever happened to the idea of "judge not, lest ye be judged"? Or "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? Or the more modern, "live and let live" or even, "Mind your own business"?
Whatever happened to following the Golden Rule, the exhortation that we treat others the way we would like to be treated? This is a concept contained in every major religion, in one way or another, and yet we often see those who claim to be devoutly religious violating it in the worst ways. Some even scream that they are being discriminated against and persecuted for being Christians while simultaneously discriminating against and persecuting others, using Christianity as their justification. If everyone simply followed the Golden Rule, we would all live in a very different world.
It Really Isn’t About Religion; It’s About Fear
The energies that are assisting with the Great Shift of the Ages (see side article about the recent energetic tsunami!) are igniting issues of individuality and freedom. More and more people are feeling the need to break out of stultifying conventions and constraining societal strictures to be and express more of Who They Truly Are. We see it all over the news. And we will see more and more of it, as we collectively move from the Piscean Age of hierarchy and external authority toward the Aquarian Age of liberty, freedom, and internal authority.
Those who fear and oppose this deep impetus toward freedom and free expression of Self—those who want to control others and stop progress and momentum toward change and the future—will surely become increasingly threatened and afraid, and they will do what they can to not only stop the future, but to try to bring back "the good old days," whether those days were really good or not.
The mainstream media will continue to foster fear in those who are susceptible to it, and those unbalanced people who believe that violence solves things will likely act out violently in expression of that deep fear. And people will use various justifications for their actions, including religion. But the real issue is fear: fear of ourselves, fear of differences, and fear of change and the unknown.
We All Want the Same Things. Every person on the planet wants to have sufficient food, clothing, shelter, education, and opportunity to thrive.
Every person on the planet wants to be treated with love, consideration, and respect. But it seems that many have forgotten that respect means understanding that other people are individuals in their own right—rather than being merely reflections or projections of our narcissistic selves—and recognizing that others are not merely the "supporting cast" in our play. Respect includes acknowledging—without judgment or worse, condemnation and manipulation—that each of us has the right to different beliefs, views, preferences, opinions, and yes, lifestyles.
Every person on the planet has the right to pursue happiness in his or her own way, and that probably will differ from the way many others pursue it, because we are each different, each unique. That's the way it's supposed to be! We each want that right, and it would behoove us to learn to respect that right in others without feeling threatened or invalidated.
In fact, it is those differences, it is that uniqueness that each of us brings to the table, that makes life the spectacular buffet that it is. Isn’t it more fun to go for ice cream at the shop with 31 flavors? Put another way, we all play our individual note in the symphony and that makes the music so rich and moving. Imagine a symphony made up only of oboes or violins; as beautiful as they are, it would become monotonous and boring. Or imagine a symphony of all the different instruments that all played only one note? The richness comes from the differences, not from the sameness!
When we can overcome our deep, paralyzing fear and truly embrace and celebrate our differences, rather than fearing them; when we can learn to work together for the good of all, collaborating rather than creating unnecessary and detrimental competition; when we can focus on our own choices and actions, rather than focusing on, and condemning, the choices and actions of others; when we can understand that in their differences other people bring something valuable to the table; and when we can stop fighting amongst ourselves and learn to live together in community with love and respect for each other (rather than controlled sameness) … that’s when we will truly enter the Golden Age.
So why are these things coming more into the public eye and more and more "in our face," on the small scale and the large? It's because it is time for us to individually and collectively acknowledge, recognize, and think about these issues and to determine how we want to act moving forward—with more fear, condemnation, and control, or with more compassion, appreciation, and respect for others?
It’s up to each of us, as we learn to respect and value ourselves and each other… and all of our beautiful differences. How are you doing with that?
All content copyright © Ellyn Dye, 2015
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Do you find yourself (yet again) looking around at all the sword-rattling, all the violent acting-out, and even all the crazy presidential candidate rhetoric, and asking yourself if the Great Shift into the Aquarian Age will ever occur? Or just, if anything will ever get better? Some days, it looks a little bleak out there, for sure, but perhaps you’ve just been looking in the wrong direction. The most important parts of the Shift happen at the personal level.
I’d be a rich woman if I had $1,000 for each person, over the last five years, who has said to me, “I had to do it. I just couldn’t take it anymore!” Usually, they say it after they’ve made some huge change or another, such as leaving a job, making a total career change, marrying or divorcing, leaving or going back to school, or undergoing a major relocation. And usually they still can’t quite believe they did it!
If you have been one of those who has said that, and made a major change—most likely a difficult one, that you felt was absolutely necessary in order to have greater freedom to be, and to express, yourself—then you are living proof that the Shift is, indeed, here.
If you have not made a major change in your life—or experienced major shifts in your inner life, attitudes, self-definition, and beliefs—then perhaps you have managed to incrementally shift with the winds of change over the last decade and made necessary adjustments along the way without resistance.
Or, perhaps, you know the change you need to make, but continue to resist, clinging desperately to a situation that makes you terribly unhappy, but that you are terrified to change? As the Borg so famously said in Star Trek: The Next Generation: “Resistance is futile.” Shift is most definitely in the air. Go along or be ground under.
The main component of the Great Shift of the Ages that we are undergoing is a Shift in consciousness, a shift out of fear and into love. It's coming one person at a time. For some of us, it involves a shift in perception about ourselves, what we need in order to flourish, and how we deserve to be treated.
This shift in perception and perspective often creates crisis in our relationships, careers, and other major components of our lives, when we suddenly realize that instead of being truly supported, respected, and loved in certain situations—as we need and deserve—we have allowed ourselves to be manipulated, used, and abused. It is not that the situation or relationship is necessarily bad or has suddenly become worse (although that might be the case). Rather it is often merely that we have outgrown it, and the “tight fit” becomes increasingly uncomfortable or painful.
The crisis point arises when our anger, resentment, and/or frustration peaks, and we realize that we just can’t or won’t subject ourselves to whatever it is anymore. And that very anger, frustration, and resentment is a great gift, because it forces us to act, to move through our deep fear and resistance and make changes that will bring us greater freedom and happiness.
It usually isn’t pretty or easy (because of our resistance and self-doubt), but after the passage of time, we realize that our desperate act in search of love, freedom, and true Self-expression has paid off beyond our wildest dreams.
As we take those first baby steps into and through our fear, away from the known and into a new adventure, the Universe rolls out the red carpet, we enter “the Flow,” and things fall into place for us in ways and to an extent that we never could have previously imagined, and we never have previously allowed ourselves. We experience our own version of the parting of the Red Sea, and we experience Grace.
And then we bask in our happiness and wonder what took us so long to make that change! We look back, and we can’t even remember why that huge change seemed like such a big deal.
Aren’t we funny creatures?! Perhaps the greatest secret about the Great Shift of the Ages is that it will really happen when each of us finally faces our deepest fear and takes action to create more freedom and joy for ourselves! It really is happening one heart, one soul, at a time!
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Wave X, the Fall Equinox, the Crisis/Blood Full Moon, the Lunar Eclipse--Oh My!
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Everyone has been knocked on their proverbial butts in the last couple of weeks in one way or another. It may have entailed enduring huge losses of one kind or another, having emotional buttons pushed, undergoing strange (or bizarre) issues with electronics, experiencing strange physical issues including unexplainable fatigue, or merely observing that everyone around you is going berserk.
What the heck is going on out there??
We were all collectively slammed (er, enormously assisted) by a huge influx of energies, beginning with Mercury going Retrograde, the Autumnal Equinox, crisis full moon (also a “blood moon”), full lunar eclipse, and what has been termed Wave X. Mercury Retrograde* always carries the potential for issues with communications, travel, electronics, etc., etc. Solstices and Equinoxes are big energy portals as the sun enters cardinal signs to initiate seasonal change. Even benign full moons have a huge effect on us (usually emotionally), and crisis full moons (moon closest to earth) carry a heavier wallop. And eclipses…. Well, they’re eclipses and they usually presage changes, often losses.
That’s already a pretty big load of energies for the poor unsuspecting human population to deal with in a two-week period, but then we had Wave X. That was a predicted blast of electromagnetic energy (gamma rays), anticipated to reach its peak at the end of September.
Some people predicted that Wave X would cause spontaneous/simultaneous "ascension" for millions of people which, to me, is another way of predicting some sort of rapture where millions of people suddenly disappear into Heaven or a higher dimension. There were quite a number of people out there predicting the same thing for December 21, 2012. Well, it appears that hasn’t actually happened (or, at least, we’re not among those who went!!). To my mind, things don’t really change that fast and, frankly, I believe we’re all in this Shift of consciousness together and there won’t be a “chosen few.”
Many say these energies will change our consciousness and/or DNA (again, some say it will happen instantaneously), and that we will all become more in touch with Who We Really Are, start to manifest faster, and start to experience and exhibit enhanced abilities. That sounds like a good idea because, judging from current events and politics we could use some pretty fast raising of consciousness out there and I, personally, would love to start manifesting faster!
So what does it really mean? However you look at it, that’s a lot of new energy coming to the planet, and we all have to integrate it in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies. That’s not all that easy! And it has hit everyone in different ways: some pretty nasty Dark Nights of the Soul, uncontrollable emotional outbursts, being totally ungrounded and spacey, having past issues come up again, physical issues, losses of all kinds, mechanical and electronics breakdowns, etc., etc.
The “up” side might be that once we handle the upsets and disasters in our lives triggered by this recent energy tsunami, and catch up on our sleep, we may discover that we have a broader perspective on things, see through more of the BS out there than we did before, maybe discover enhanced paranormal abilities, and feel more loving and forgiving of each other. If so, the bumpy ride might be worth it! Hang on!
*Find out more about Mercury Retrograde in the October 2013 issue of Tunnel Vision, which also includes an article about Halloween.
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Need Some Help Navigating the Waves of Change?
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These are the best of times and the worst of times! Humans hate going through change, and we usually resist like crazy, even when we are undergoing changes that we want. And resistance only makes it all much harder!
If you need help navigating these waves of change, stepping into Who You Really Are, and making some of the difficult choices that often come with that, check out my Intuitive Life Coaching services on my website.
With my knowledge of the times of Shift that we are experiencing, and the perspective and wisdom I gained from my Near-Death Experience, I can help you understand what you're going through, where you're headed, and how to get there with as much joy and ease as possible.
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Get ready for the Holidays! Here's what you'll find on my website, www.LionMagic.com:
 My 2016 travel calendars are now available at discount prices! Check out calendars with photos from Alaska, Bermuda, France, Grand Canyon and Sedona, Ireland, and Jamaica.
My me taphysical fantasy novel, The Search for the Crystal Key, is an adventure for all ages about believing in yourself and the power of love, with tools for living and information about how life works that I received during my NDE. Available now in paperback, EPub, and Kindle! This is a great gift for those "new kids" on your list, ages 10 and above! Great for any age.
 Downloadable mp3s of my Journey Through the Tunnel presentation and guided meditation to go through the Tunnel of Light, feel the unconditional Love of Home, and bring it back to planet earth.
And FREE for your information:
Recordings of new radio interviews, with discussions of my NDE, what I learned, and what's going on "out there."
My "3 minutes of fame" on Fox News talking about my NDE!!
The complete list of "What I Learned from Dying."
The video of "Creating Heaven from Hell," my September 2012 presentation at the conference of the International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS), with details about the Great Shift and the astrological influences, what is happening, and what we can do to navigate through these times of radical and dramatic change.
The Archives of all past issues of Tunnel Vision!
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 I am an Intuitive Coach, Public Speaker, Author, Reconnective Healing® practitioner, and Practical Mystic.
A Near-Death Experience (NDE) in 1985 expanded my psychic abilities and created a link with some very loving—and humorous—Guardians of humanity and the ancient wisdom, who gave me a huge amount of information about life and the evolution of mankind.
I bring this knowledge and connection to my clients and audiences, along with over 30 years’ accumulated wisdom and understanding of metaphysics, life on earth, and Who We Really Are.
I am the author of the metaphysical fantasy novel, The Search for the Crystal Key—an adventure about believing in yourself and the power of Love; and I am currently writing a new book, Creating Heaven on Earth... One Soul at a Time; A How-To Manual from the Perspective of a Near-Death Experience.
Find out more at LionMagic.com.
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