MyNewsletterBuilder | coaching 09 (Preview)

It's not easy to find happiness and peace when you're constantly criticizing yourself. For those of us who spend all day every day monitoring our appearance, actions, words, and behavior and stacking the sum of it all against the insurmountable expectations we set for ourselves, it's no wonder we don't feel good - we're too busy loading on the pressure and setting unrealistic goals rather than rewarding ourselves for the things we do accomplish. We always think of ourselves as falling short, and always find ourselves wanting more. We say the wrong words, wear the wrong clothes, and do the wrong things. We look at other people with envy or awe and believe that they know secrets that we don't. We compare ourselves to others and come up wanting, never quite measuring up.

When we doubt our abilities, punish ourselves for making mistakes, and pay more attention to other people's opinions of us rather than our own, we become trapped in a cycle of beating ourselves up. Oh boy, can we be ruthless! The key to breaking this cycle is stopping the negative self-talk and replacing it with positive affirmations and praise of one's own behavior, appearance, and abilities. Society has set us up to feel like if we believe or say positive things about ourselves, then we're being vain or conceited. This leaves little room for outward expressions of self-confidence and a lot of room for that mean voice inside our heads that constantly puts us down.

To put an end to negative self-talk, we must start by viewing ourselves with compassion and remembering that shame keeps us from being authentic. When we're convinced of our own unworthiness, we become shrouded in shame like an ugly duckling who hides away his real beauty, or the Phantom of the Opera who hides behind his mask. Loving ourselves on the other hand, helps us to be more available to others and what life puts forth. If we stumble or fall, maybe we were meant to. If we drop the ball, maybe it was time to let it go. Having faith that things are the way they are meant to be helps us believe that we are just right too.

Negative self-talk will never improve any state of mind; in fact, it's completely counter-productive - a waste of time and energy. Don't keep yourself in a state of shame or fear. Instead, change the criticism to self-praise, and stop putting yourself down.

When one partner loses their job, it often upsets the balance of the whole home. There are obviously financial ramifications to this, and with the job market a little bit slower than most of us would like, it can sometimes be a little while before a new job is on the table. For the in-between times, it is best to be very clear in your communication with one another, as financial stresses are one of the highest causes of fights and relationship problems. Instead of focusing on what your partner is no longer able to bring to the table, the two of you should sit down and find ways to take advantage of their "time off."

While job searching is an important thing for the unemployed partner to be doing, that isn't a 9-5 pursuit, so the household balance of chores might be one thing to shift. By having the stay-at-home spouse do more to take care of the home, this will relieve stress from the now sole-income-producing spouse. Similarly, if there are around-the-house projects that need to be done, what better time? If there are children in the picture, this is also prime-time for them to be able to spend some quality time with one of their parents.

There may even be ways in which the unemployed partner can help save money during this time - something that will certainly be on most people's minds after losing a job. Even something as simple as mowing the lawn instead of using a service can save a good bit of money in the long run.

All in all, it can be a tricky balance, but it is vastly more pleasant when both people see that the other one is working to improve the situation.

Think of your body like your car. Your car will not last forever, but you can prolong the life of your car by taking excellent care of it and only putting high-quality products into it as a preventation against malfunctions. Often in the body (as with a car) when something breaks, it has a domino effect, and just like your car, it can be very costly to repair.

Many illnesses are now being traced back to food additives, environmental chemicals, and other toxins that alter chemical reactions in the body and in some frightening cases, may alter your DNA. Time and time again, research shows that a diet laden with fatty and processed foods causes health problems ranging from heart disease, diabetes, cancer, high-cholesterol, angina, and auto-immune disorders. Many fast food restaurants now offer "healthy" choices, but even a salad at McDonalds is devoid of many of the nutrients that would be found in a fresh-made salad, because of the lengthy shelf-life of the fast-food version.

You want to take care of your body by feeding it high quality, nutrient-dense food. The more you pack your body full of these foods, the more you increase your body's ability to stave off illness and disease. It can take just as much time to grab some carrot sticks as it can to grab some French fries - and think of the great feeling your body will have after you eat carrots, compared to the sluggish feeling we all get after eating greasy fries. What you eat is what your body uses to function. If you are not getting enough nutrients, this will eventually manifest in the form of an illness, whether it's a cold or something more serious. Many of us are operating at deficient levels of one or more nutrients, even though we may not realize it.
Many people are now turning to dietary extremes to increase the nutritional impact that food plays on their health. So called super-foods are one example of this. These are foods that are chock-full of vital nutrients and minerals that the body needs to keep functioning at its peak levels. When you are consuming super-foods, you are feeding your body a concentrated quantity of several things it needs to operate at optimal performance and empowering your body to continue regenerating healthy cells. Some super-foods can be found here: http://www.naturalpath.com/what_are_the_superfoods_our_top_12_for_healthy_living

While vegetarian, vegan, or raw food diets may not appeal to you, you can still dramatically improve your longevity and the health of your body by taking an active role in the quality of foods you place into your body. After all, you are what you eat.

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In This Issue

No More Negative Self-Talk!

Creating New Dynamics with An Unemployed Partner

You Are What You Eat

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Budget Friendly Fashion Tips

If you are ready to update your wardrobe but your budget isn't, there are a couple of ways to get around the cold hard facts of money. For example, clothing swaps are a great way to get new clothing as well as clear out anything in your closet that you aren't going to wear again. If you have clothing that can be re-purposed with a little bit of work, you might consider doing that as well.

Look in consignment stores for new clothing before you go to the store. High-end consignment stores usually have very high standards of what they will accept, so put aside any prejudices that you might have. High end consigned items that that are clean and in good or new condition are always in style (or classic items). On a good day, you'll pay 1/4 of the retail price on high-end designer clothing that you never would've been able to afford in the first place!

How Your Home Affects You

The popular practice of Feng Shui is not just about placing objects in certain places to attract money or popularity, it is also about the emotional “flow” of your home, or the way different areas of your home make you feel, based on the emotions of the house. Something particularly relevent to any person, and not just followers of Feng Shui. When you find yourself experiencing a lot of negative emotions (anger, anxiety, depression, etc.), consider your home as the source.

There is a practical element to Feng Shui, aside from its esoteric connotations. The things you fill your home with, and the way you place them, resonate within you on a subconscious level. Emotionally, you respond to your second-hand couch. Emotionally, you respond to the dining room chairs that are always in your way. These things all trigger a response in you, and collectively, it can leave you fairly unsettled.

Take a conscious moment to evaluate your home. How does each object make you feel, and what do you think about it? If it’s always in the way, try a different placement. If you have furnishings that make you feel poor, or as though your things are shabby, then get rid of it as soon as possible. In some cases, it may be better to go with sparse furnishings, rather than be surrounded with things that make you feel tense. What you see around you, is what you will reflect outwardly – so make it good!